A Time For Every Season

If you wanted me

2010-03-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'll admit I'm glad we're not disciples
Out on a lake paralyzed with fright
'Cause I'm afraid I might have laughed at Peter
Until he stepped into that stormy night

If You wanted me to walk on water
Why'd You make this solid ground seem so right?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not King David
Ruling over everything I see
'Cause I think I've fallen for more than Bathsheba
Your creation's a temptation for me

If You wanted me to love You only
Why'd you make the moonlight sparkle in her eyes?

I'll admit I'm glad I'm not John the Baptist
In a jail cell waiting for my day to die
'Cause at least down here I know what we're chasing
And it's hard to trust Your dreams are so much better than mine

If You wanted me to die to myself
Why'd You make me fall so deeply in love with life?

If You wanted me to surrender
Why'd You make these hands able to hold on so tight?

If You wanted me to be like You
Why'd You make me like me?

~Todd Agnew

My One Heart

2009-10-26T13:36:00.000-07:00

"If only my one heart
Was all you'd gain from all it cost
Well I know you would have still been a man
With a reason
To willingly offer your life" - From 'Sea Of Faces 'by Kutless

I heard this song on the radio the other day. It's one of those songs that I know all the words to by heart. Yet I never truly knew the words. I was sitting quite in my car listening to this song as I was driving home. I was truly listening to the words this time. When I heard those lines, it awoke something deep inside me. I don't think we could ever truly grasp what the Lord did for us by laying down his life. Even if I was the only one who was saved by what he did, he would have still done it. That's how much he loves me. Even if YOU where the only one who was saved by what he did, he would have still done it. He loves YOU that much.

So often we go about our busy lives and forget this simple truth. It's one thing knowing that he died for me, for you, for all your christian friends, but its another to know that he died for people you hate. People who you might believe have no reason to be loved. The bible tells us that Jesus came for All mankind. That means he died for the terrorist who crashed the plane on 9/11, he died for serial killers and people who worship satan. And he would have died for them even if they where the only ones saved. Now I'm not saying that what these people do is right, what I am saying is Jesus loves them just the same as he loves me and just the same as he loves you. I am talking to myself as much as anyone else. I to often forget this.

In the truth project Dr. Del Tackett talks about how we should view non-Christians as 'prisoners of war'. This was an eye opener for me. I always knew that Christ loved all, and that we are called to tell others about the good news of Christ, but I would view the people I didn't like as the enemy. That I had to try and convince the enemy to change sides. But seeing them as POW's makes me view them so different. Instead of fighting them, we are supposed to show them how to be rescued, how to be saved in Christ Jesus. Most do not even know that they have been taken by the enemy. They are meant to be on our side but satan has blinded their eyes. In Luke 23:34 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do."

Most Christan's pray for the Lord to come quickly, but I would challenge you to pray that he would hold out just one more day. The bible says in 2 Peter 3:9 "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance." One more day that one more soul might be saved. I understand both sides of this. Yes I want to go home. I want to be with my Lord in perfect peace where there is no more tears, no more pain. But I also long for those who are going to hell. Its easy for us to pray for those we love. Our family, friends, co-workers, but the Lord wants not ONE to perish. I urge you to pray for the drug dealers, the prostitutes and the murders. Not that they would go unpunished, but that they would find repentance in Christ Jesus. Pray for him to hold out just one more day. Just one more, for that one soul can be saved.

The song said "If only my one heart was all you'd gain from all it cost, well I know you would have still been a man with a reason to willingly offer your life" What if that one heart belonged to the murder, the gang-banger, or the Neo-Nazi? Would we still want to pray for the Lord to hold out one more day? I challenge you to not just pray these things because it's the right thing to do, but because you truly wish for all to be saved. Don't just sit around at pray for them to find repentance, but get out and show them his love as well. Christ went to the broken, to the outcasts and showed them his love. We are called to do the same. In the end, it is their choice, but I know that in my heart I need to be at peace that I did what I could to show them his love. Even if that just means living a Godly life for all to see. Not all are called to be missionaries, but all are called to evangelize in whatever way that might be. I pray that the Lord would give you HIS heart for the lost, and HIS strength to reach beyond your comfort zone to those who are hurting.

Thank you Jesus for dieing for me. Thank you for dieing for the world. Thank you so very much that you care about each and every person. That you see us as our own and love everyone individually. And I would ask that you would forgive us of those times we so often forget this. I pray that everything I have written came from you and not from me. Please open our eyes and open our hearts to your love. Praise you Jesus.

If you have not noticed

2008-06-03T21:05:00.001-07:00

I love to post song lyrics. I think just cuz I cant always express what I want to say and well, they can. These songs just speak to me. The first one you can hear on my myspace page.....

Bring you back by Paul Alan

Are you thirsty,

Standing in the rain?

Not sure where you are

Or how you lost your way?
hey, hey, hey

Are you drowning

In some bar outside of town?

Searching for something given not found?

A crowd of people

But totally alone?

At the front door

But worlds away from home?

Light up the night's last regret and

Burn your only safety net and

Step to the edge

It's such a long way down and

I left the ninety-nine to find the one

And you're the one

I walked a thousand miles

In this desert sun

Only to bring you back

Are you tired

Of chasing the wind under water?

Do you aspire to breathe again?

Are you dying?

Is that the best that you can do?

Cause you can't find your place

In a world that wasn't meant for you?

I left the ninety-nine to find the one

And you're the one

I walked a thousand miles

In this desert sun

Only to bring you back

Hello, it's me

I couldn't sleep

I was just counting sheep

And I'm missing you,

Hello, it's me

I couldn't sleep

I was just counting sheep.

I left the ninety-nine to find the one

And you're the one I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun

Only to bring you back. I left the ninety-nine to find the one

And you're the one

I walked a thousand miles in this desert sun

Only to bring you back

.......................................................

Luke 15:4
"If you had one hundred sheep, and one of them strayed away and was lost in the wilderness, wouldn’t you leave the ninety–nine others to go and search for the lost one until you found it?

......................................................

Give me your eyes by Brandon Heath

Look down from a broken sky

Traced out by the city lights

My world from a mile high

Best seat in the house tonight

Touch down on the cold black top

Hold on for the sudden stop

Breath in the familiar shock

Of confusion and chaos

All those people going somewhere

Why have I never cared

Chorus:

Give me your eyes for just one second

Give me your eyes so I can see

Everything that I keep missing

Give me your love for humanity

Give me your arms for the broken hearted

The ones that are far beyond my reach

Give me you heart for the ones forgotten

Give me your eyes so I can see

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah

Step out on a busy street

See a girl and our eyes meet

Does her best to smile at me

To hide what’s underneath

There’s a man just to her right

Too ashamed to tell his wife

He’s out of work, He’s buying time

Chorus

I’ve been here a million times

A couple of million eyes

Just move and pass me by

I swear I never thought that I was wrong

I need a second glance

Give me a second chance

To see the way you’ve seen the people all along

Chorus

Scream by ZoeGirl

2008-05-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

Does anybody know how I feel?

Sometimes I'm numb, sometimes I'm overcome

Does anybody care what's going on?

Do I have to wear my scars like a badge on my arm

For you to see me, I need release

Do I have to scream for you to hear me?

Do I have to bleed for you to see me?

'Cause I grieve, you're not listening to me

Do I need to scream?

Has anybody seen what's been done?

Where was my defense? No one heard my protest

The eyes of God were watching me

It's time to make my peace, let it go and be released

So I can breathe again

I'm on my knees

I've been marked, set apart

But I'm cut so deep and afraid of the dark

One drop of blood from the hole in Your hand

Is enough to heal me and make me stand

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream for Him to hear me

Don't have to bleed for Him to see me

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening to me

I don't have to scream

I don't have to bleed

'Cause I'm clean, He is listening

And I don't have to scream

...................................................................................

Wow, does this ever tell it like it is

CHECK! Im a whore. And a forgiven one at that!

2008-04-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

I did it!!!!

After 19 1/2 years........... I finally surrendered it all to Christ. Every bit of me! I had surrendered in parts, but never truly like I did yesterday. I am finally where I need to be. Of course not saying I'm done growing! Heck no! I am just getting started. But this is just one more step closer to him. I am going to have to work on it for the rest of my life, remembering to surrender to him fully, but he's good. He won't leave me high and dry. Oh gosh, I love the LORD!

.....................................................................................

I have to say, I'm pretty darn impressed with the truth project. This last one.....wow. The all mighty God dwelling in me? Not just a part of him, but ALL of him?! I am now invited into the God-head?!?! NO WAY!!!!

It's so cool to think about, God is in me.God is in you. Really think about that. Now that does not mean we are like God, or that we are God. Heck no! I know myself are you kidding me? I would be a scary god! I wouldn't even want to worship me.

It was also so very convicting. Just looking at my thought life, how I struggle with that! I hardly have any outside sin, but the things in my mind. God forgive me! I have become a whore in my search for significance.

Sadly if someone says 'God, today your not enough for me.' It doesn't seem to weigh much because guess what, we do it every day. But comparing that to a husband waking up and saying to his wife ' you know? your just not enough for me today. I am going to go find my fulfillment somewhere else.' Or every morning a wife waking up and telling her husband ' gosh you really aren't doing it for me. I'm going to find something/someone better, but you better be here when I come back!' That is what it is like when we turn and look for our satisfaction and our significance in things other then God. The bible portrays this as whoring yourself or prostituting ones self out. This is how God feels and sees it when we turn away from him, even if its for the slightest things, if they become our significance, we are lost.

The amazing thing is though, God forgives us if we ask him to. As far as the east is from the west.

Thank you Jesus!

CHECK! I'm a whore. And a forgiven one at that!

A Day Late

2008-04-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

"So let me get this straight
You say now you loved me all along
What made you hesitate to tell me with words what you really feel?
I can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
I remember so along ago, see I felt that same way
Now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
Insignificantly enough we both have significant others

Only time will tell
Time will turn and tell

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when

But thoughts they change and times they rearrange I don't know who you are anymore
Loves come and go and this I know I'm not who you recall anymore
But I must confess you're so much more than I remember
Can't help but entertain these thoughts, thoughts of us together

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when

So let me get this straight
All these years and you were no where to be found
And now you want me for your own
But you're a day late and my love, she's still renowned

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when

We are who we were when
Could have been lovers but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when
Who knew what we know now
Could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend
We are who, we are who we were when"

Dear Loved One

2008-04-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

If only you could see the truth. I wish I could show you your going to hell. No it's not a party, it's not a joke. it's eternal torment. It's all seperation from God. Why wont you listen to me? Why can't you just beleive me? I don't want to leave without you......

"Even Angels Cry"

2008-04-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

I whisper,"You don't have to worry, we'll survive"
Forced smiles underneath the brittle, frozen light
No proof that you're alive
Cold fingers find the curve below your tired eyes
No comfort in familiar places, not this time
You hold it deep inside

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

No flood warnings, still the waters rise
Flowers through asphalt, Diamonds in the pockets of your eyes
Turn your face and hide
I saw a woman with ribbons in her hair
Old and lonely, so beautiful I had to stop and stare
The well will not run dry

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

Oh sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
No need to worry
Baby, even angels cry

Cry Sister, if you wake up in the night
Walls are falling, letting in the light
It'll be alright
Baby, even angels cry

Baby, please don't worry
Not tonight

By Jars Of Clay
The most amazing Band to ever walk this earth.

Jesus, Lover Of MY Soul

2008-03-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow. wow. thats pretty crazy stuff.

I had the most amazing talk with a beautiful lady today. We spent about 2 hours just talking about God. You know how cool that is? It's pretty darn cool! It's so good to find someone who understands how I feel about my relationship with God and being single. It's like I almost don't want a guy cuz I know that would take away from my time with the Lord! It's so nice to know I am not a crazy person! well not too crazy anyways. I love the Lord sooo much. He is mine and I am his. It makes me happy!!! :D

Mrs. Robinson

2008-03-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

Jesus Loves You More Than You Could Know

Family Rocks

2008-03-26T10:54:00.001-07:00

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Man I love my cousin Mike(the one next to me). He is such a sweet heart! : ) To bad he is going back to Alaska. He's practical my only guy cousin my age. I want to go see him this summer. Pray Pray Pray !!!

God, which voice is yours?

2008-03-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

It's pretty crazy how one little thing can cause so much trouble. Satan is so tricky, let me tell you. He knows how to get you where it hurts the most. Oh if only we as humans were not so selfish! We make it so easy for him by using the "what about me?" state of mind.

I think I got a glimpse of the jealously God feels for us. It was intense. It scared me more then anything I have ever felt before. But I needed it. God disciplined me. Oh My GOSH it hurt. hurt more then anything I could imagine, but it was good. God put me back where I should be. And I thank him for that.

I watched the passion of the Christ last night. Wow. The whole time I was thinking. This is how I think of it. Jesus is our husband yes? Ok. So there he is, loving me so much, that he would go through all of that just for me. Let me tell you when you look at it that way it makes a difference. I just keep thinking, I'm a slave to satan. I'm blinded by lies and told that this man is the enemy. I'm the one beating him, I'm the one yelling for his death. I killed him. Yet I don't know that he is my husband. He suffered and went through all this because he know that I would one day see the truth and would be free from satans grip. Man.......

Talk about a sobering movie. And to think that can't even come close to what he went through. Not only the physical stuff, but every sin of every soul was on him that day. He became sin, for me. Because he loved me. I get so gosh darn mad at myself sometimes. How easily do I forget? How often does my mind wander to things not of the Lord? I am just thankful for his grace.

On Godly Relationships

2008-03-19T00:16:00.000-07:00

This is an blip taken from the book I am reading called 'I kissed dating goodbye' by Joshua Harris. Here he talks about having godly relationships with the opposite sex. This is really neat!

Affection:
I'm the oldest of seven kids in my family. I have five brothers and one sister. I love all my brothers, but little Sarah has a special place in my heart. There's an affection for her that's unique. My brothers understand and feel the same way about her. We want to protect her and care for her. She's our sister, and that means something very precious.

This is what Paul was getting at when he instructed Timothy to treat the younger women as sisters. Ladies, the reverse is true for you: God wants you to view the younger men as brothers. Totally separate from romantic interest and dating. We're to care deeply about each other. In another place Paul describes more of what this looks like: "Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other" (Romans 12:10, NLT).

Do you have this kind of godly affection for brothers and sisters? Do you pray for them? Do you look for ways to encourage them in their walk with God? Do you delight in honoring them? One of the small groups in my church comprised of single men and women has done a great job of fostering this kind of environment. On one occasion the men in the group planned a special dinner for the ladies, served all the food, and even had special gifts for each girl. After the meal the men shared reasons why they respected and valued the friendship of each girl. This is genuine affection!

It's important to be consistent--don't show kindness only to those people you have a romantic interest in. Instead show kindness to all your brothers and sisters. This isn't flirting for the purpose of stirring romantic interest in someone; it's showing Christlike brotherly love.

Side by Side:

Gentlemen, are you the kind of friend to the girls in your life that you will one day hear from their husbands, "thank you for being a brother to my wife"? Ladies, do you relate you your guy friends in a way that would make their future wives want to seek you out and thank you for being a sister to their husbands?

When we're single, we can become obsessed with the questions of how we're going to get to know our future husband or wife. "how do we have the friendship we need in order to one day get married?"

It's not wrong to ask these questions, but I think we need to see that an even more important question is, "How can I start being the kind of friend to the opposite sex that they need?" We need to take our focus off of ourselves and look for ways to serve those around us.

God wants us to neither run from each other nor use each other in an indulgent pursuit of short-term romance. He's calling us to be firmly committed to biblical friendships. In brother-sister relationships, men and women spur each other on to godliness- they stand against wickedness together, they seek God together, they honor one another and grow in grace side by side.

2008-03-18T23:41:00.000-07:00

wow, I really need to get out more. Poo on the media.

School starts soon!!! YAY!!!!

night ya'll

I wanna set the world on fire

2008-03-18T00:41:00.000-07:00

I hold this song close to my heart. It holds more meaning for me then most I think. It makes me smile.

Set The World On Fire
Britt Nicole

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it’s burning bright for You
It’s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You There’s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father’s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

I’m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

The Lowest High

2008-03-17T23:59:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or dose it always seem like satan attacts you more right after you come back from an amazing time with the Lord. These past couple of days I have been so overjoyed with the Lord and then today, well today was off.

I still have the Lords peace. It’s amazing his Love. I took my eyes off him today. I did for a slight moment, and I started sinking. Maybe tomorrow I will be walking on the water again. We will see. The amazing thing about that story, even when Peter was sinking, Jesus never let his head go below the water.

Some days I feel like I just don’t fit. That I just don’t belong anywhere. Hum, I always seem to be the odd one out. Curse my shy nature. Ah don’t worry about me. Like I said, today is just off. Sometimes my lymes can act up real bad and make me all depressed and stuff. It’s not always that fun. But I’m loved by the Lord. Thats the most amazing feeling in the world. And that’s all that counts.

On an up note, the Germany trip was announced yesterday. Oh my GOSH! I want to go. I have been feeling pulled that way for sometime now. Not Germany specifically, but to eastern Europe, or where ever it is located. Was God preparing me? I have no idea. It would be so cool to go see Harold again. It’s been a long time. I wonder if he even remembers me. We shall see. Much prayer is ahead.

A new season of my life unfolds...

2008-03-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

Well I wrote this last night, but I desided to put on her to!

Wow, God has blessed me....beyond words. He has giving me the most amazing group of friends I could ever dream of. For the first time in a long time....I feel like I belong. I know seasons come and go, but I’m just loving this season! My life has been sooo hard these past couple of weeks its amazing to just get away from it and bask in the glory of the Lord. I’m just happy. Plan and simple. I’m really happy. Its pretty cool!

I can’t even express just the peace I have. Sure things are not that peachy, but really it’s ok. My health is acting up and my family issues are getting to me again, but wow God is showing me sooo much. I just need to keep my eyes on him and everything falls into place and is good. It’s like this song I am listing to. It makes me cry, not a bad cry, but a cry of ’Wow God, how can you be so good to me?!’

Rain or shine, things are good. Kinda like Oregon. hehe, I love this state. Rain or shine, it shows God’s creativity. He is the most amazing artist I could even dream of. Just to sit and watch his work play out is breathtaking. Like the other day, it was all stormy and yucky outside, but the sky was a beautiful shade of purple. I can’t even describe it. It was God reminding me of his love and that he can bring beauty in anything! I am stocked for this summer. I can’t wait to go hiking, go to the beach, road trips and for my other best friend to come home......HANNAH!!! lol

The Lord has been showing me this year how to be single and content. I can’t express it, but I love my single life. I can’t wait to get married and do couple things but I’m not ready just yet. There is a season for everything and I can truly say I am happy being single. I can learn about God and serve him in so many more ways. He is the lover of my soul. How sweet is that?! I pray every one will to be content in every stage of their life. Its really an awesome feeling. = D

Hallelujah, Hallelujah Jesus!

Hi

2008-03-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

Well I guess I should start writting agian. I just want to share what God has done for me. Its amazing. And well I guess writting is a good way to do it. Everyone says I'm a good writer. I guess you will find out then huh.

This blog will be random posts about my life. And I will probably forget that I even have it quite a few times. I always seem to do that. I could never keep a journal for very long.

I just pray you can see the Lord in my life. If not, slap me a few times till I get back into shape.